Is it just me, or has this been a crazy, fast-paced year? So much has happened, but it doesn’t seem like there was enough time for all that happened to fit into it! My focus for the last few weeks of 2013, amid the bustle of the holidays, is to find some clarity in my own mind where I can let go of all that has happened, of all the mess-ups and the anxieties. I think the key to a great new year is clearing out the old to make room for new experiences. For me, a great 2014 means letting go of 2013.
In late 2012, I finally got up the courage to embark on my journey as a Yoga teacher. After doing zero research (typical), I marched into what may have been the most cliquey, most mis-guided program in New York. I will not name names and I will not delve, but I’ll say this; I graduated with a lot of knowledge about body postures, a tiny bit of Sanskrit and a lot of self-doubt and residual confusion/anger. As the new year came and went, I was ready to teach, but holding on to so much bad energy. Not an awesome feeling.
A month later, sometime in February, I herniated a couple of discs in my lower spine. My physical body, one that I had made so strong and so healthy, totally abandoned me. I felt angry and unstable and if I could have walked (sciatica kept me on the couch…ouch), it would have been directly into a bar. Instead I ate 300,000 cookies and felt like a tick and hated everything. This feeling was neither exciting or productive and eventually I figured out that I had to let it all go. I think the key to clearing away the negative junk is to focus on the things in your life that make you happiest (not things like getting drunk). I found some light in my struggle through messing around on the keyboard and discovering music again. Also, reading novels. Also, cooking vegetables and baking bread. Also, letting go of weird social obligations I thought I had and realizing how much I had to offer to myself and to the world.
For the first time, maybe ever, I slowed down and spent some quality time with myself. After my back pain subsided, I began practicing Yoga again from the very beginning. I took into account each pose and I modified for my lower spine and I LEARNED so much about the body and I can honestly say that my injury has made me a more qualified, more compassionate teacher. I fell in love with Pigeon pose and Lizard poses because in them you can literally let go and surrender to gravity and it feels SO GOOD. I’ve never been stronger!
Moving forward into 2014 will be exciting for me. I have learned plenty of lessons to help me on a new journey and I am shedding the skin of 2013, one resentment at a time. By the time that giant ball drops in Times Square (or the 700 lb. tin mushroom drops in Kennett Square…seriously), I’ll be ready for the new year!
The very best,
deliver me wellness
New York yoga team