The Question that Can Change Everything

Have you ever been talking with a friend, and the name of someone you both know comes up? One of you asks, “How are they doing?”

It’s something we do instinctively—checking in on others, comparing notes, asking more questions. Did he find another job? Did her daughter get into that college? Is their company still in business?

This constant checking in on others can be about caring for others. And sometimes it’s a reflection of our own underlying fears: Am I keeping up? Am I doing enough? 

Jarrod Matteson recently explored in his 3-part blog series how we live within a cultural context of measuring success. 

He offered a powerful perspective: Success isn’t about climbing a predefined ladder to get to a final destination. It’s about building a path that aligns with our authenticity and values, ultimately leading to a greater impact. 

Direction vs. Destination
So it’s a heading towards, a direction, not a destination. 

When I had a destination, I could use the mile markers left behind by the others before me. That did not work out for me. But I worried, would finding my aligned path instead become aimless wandering? 

It wasn’t—because of one simple question. This question has become my compass.

How could one question hold so much power?

Because the right question has a way of cutting through the noise.

And here it is: What matters to you?

The first time I encountered this question in the Preeminent Growth Collaborative Leadership Program with Sixtus Oechsle and Steve Bauer, I froze. What?! This is too big. How am I supposed to answer this?

I scribbled down a few words. Crossed them out. Wrote more. Time ran out. Then we had to share. I let my partner go first, and when I heard their answer, mine suddenly felt wrong.

At the time, I was going through a lot of change. It was one of those seasons when I had taken a big leap, and on the other side, I was trying to get my legs strong and steady for what was next. 

What Matters as a Compass
Since that first time, I’ve answered this question again and again—for the big things, life dreams that are farther away, and for the little things like the next conversation I’m about to have with someone I love. I keep coming back to what matters.

What matters has become my compass. Am I moving toward what feels authentic? Do I need to adjust the coordinates of my journey? 

The beauty of this question is that there is no one right answer—only the answer that is true for in that moment

So, I’ll ask you: What matters to you?