The Burnout Behind The Smile

“Let’s just keep moving—it’ll all work out.”

“It’s not that bad. We’ve been through worse.”

“I’m good! Just tired. Nothing a walk and a latte won’t fix!”

You’ve heard these lines before. Maybe in a meeting, maybe in a group text. Maybe from someone who’s always quick to boost morale, lighten the mood, or shift the focus to what’s going well.

And maybe you’ve said them yourself.

We all know someone like this. The person who finds the silver lining before the cloud even finishes forming. The cheerleader when the team is running on fumes.

They care. They show up.

We need them, but sometimes, beneath the surface, something else is happening.  While it looks like they are coping, they are quietly burning out.

We call this the Avoidant Response to burnout in our Burnout to Balance program. Not because these people shut down, but because they stay upbeat, keeping track of others around them,  without being fully aware of their own experience.

In our Burnout to Balance program, this response style shows up in those who lead with positivity but use it to avoid facing discomfort. They may:

• Focus on others instead of acknowledging their own stress, and dismiss the challenges of others
• Dismiss burnout with “I’m fine” or “It’ll pass” without acknowledging their own diminished effectiveness
• Too quickly reframe problems into positives without acknowledging the impact and challenges appropriately
  
  

We certainly need leaders who can lead with an eye to what’s possible and the ability to reframe challenges into growth opportunities. But that approach needs to be balanced with the ability to be aware of their own experience too. Emotions avoided don’t go away. They bubble under the surface.

This isn’t my personal default response to burnout. I tend to lean into the Intellectualized Response, but I’ve caught it in myself, especially when keeping things light feels easier than admitting I’m struggling.

If this feels familiar, you don’t need to become someone you aren’t. But you may need a way to reconnect with what’s true underneath the brightness.

Here is a way for the Avoidant Response to navigate burnout.  

Inner Spark Breath

1. Sit comfortably with feet on the floor, hands relaxed
   
   
2. Take 3 short, gentle inhales through the nose—like upward pulses
   
   
3. Exhale long and slow through the mouth with a soft sigh
   
   
4. Repeat 3–5 times, imagining you’re fanning a small spark in your heart
   
   
5. Take 2 deep breaths in through the nose and out through the mouth
   
   
6. Optional: Place a hand on your heart and ask,
   
   “What is my spark trying to tell me right now?”
   
   

This breath doesn’t diminish the ability to lead with hope, a positive outlook, and inspiration. It reconnects you with your energy, not just the outer version of it you share with others. And it creates space to notice what’s underneath, without being overwhelmed by it.

Sometimes, it’s the resistance, not the emotion itself, that wears us out. When we allow ourselves to feel what’s real, it’s often softer, smaller, and more manageable than we expected. 

What might shift if you trusted your spark enough to feel what’s beneath it?

ps. Alice offered this picture from 2014 at one of her peak burnout phases. " As a mom, entrepreneur, and human, I was just trying to keep going. This was a really hard time for me,  and I kept smiling. It was shortly after this photo that I found breathwork and new tools.  I look at this picture today and can see the burnout behind my smile."